Q. Lately it seems like every time I leave the room or if I have to go out without my daughter, she cries and hugs my leg and is very upset with my leaving.  She wants to be with me all the time.  Is this normal?  I feel so bad when I have to leave her, like I am being a bad mother.  She does not even want to stay with her father!  Which make HIM feel like a bad father. She is three years old now and the older she gets, the worse it seems to be getting. When she was a baby there was not a problem, she seemed happy enough to stay with her daddy, or her grandma.  This all started when she started to walk.  I am a stay-at-home mom, but there are sometimes I need to go out without her. What can I do to make her more independent?  

A. Aha! A perfectly normal 3 year old! The reason it started when she was walking is because NOW she can follow you from room to room  AND more importantly, she has learned very quickly how to play the ‘GUILT’ card with her momma and daddy.  Smart little one you have there! 

However, it is in her own best interest that she learn early on in her development that there are times when her mother is busy and at those times she must entertain herself.  At other times her mommy has to go to the store or even just out for dinner with a girlfriend to relax while daddy takes over.  She is not too young to tell her you are going to the store.  You do not need to tell her about any other complicated trips to anywhere else – just use THE STORE as kind of a catch all place to go.  She will get familiar with that phrase and after a few times of ‘mommy going to the store’ and coming back in an hour or so, she will begin to get comfortable with it.  Especially if there is a little ‘treat’ for HER in it!
Never be above a little bribery – we all like to be rewarded for good behavior.

Make sure you do this 2 or 3 times a week in the beginning – even if you just take a short trip around the block a few times while daddy or grandma ‘baby sit’.

It is also important that she learn to sit and entertain herself at short intervals during the day.  Perhaps ‘gate’ off a child-safe area where she can play while you take care of a few ‘close by’ chores.  The best would be if you could see her but she could NOT see you.  In my day, we had playpens for the youngsters.  It was a safe play area for the child where they learned to entertain themselves and to ‘grow’ their imaginations.  It allowed US a safe place to put the child while we used the bathroom, or put a meal together, or unloaded the car.  For some silly reason, today’s parents have abandoned the playpen. THEY want to be PROGRESSIVE! (UGH)

Now the child is literally at the parents side or at their feet 24 / 7. Little or NO alone time whatsoever.  This only fosters DEPENDANCE…not INDEPENDENCE…which is the ultimate goal.  We NEED more strong, independent, smart young ladies.  Help your daughter to become one! It is never too early to stand your child up on their own two feet and show them how.  There will be resistance, there will be crying and might even be some ‘hurling herself on the floor’ – Give her a little kiss on the head and a wave goodbye and say, "Mommy will see you in a bit when I get back from the store", and out the door you go! (Don't forget to come back with the bribe!)